so psyched-ness is a permanent state of my mind now

And if there's somebody in your life who you think would only be remembered as a regret, maybe you need to chuck him out, here and now, because there's no going back. No pretending it never happened. Because it looks like the easiest option but sorry, it doesn't work out. You just realise they are too much 'into' you for you to shut them out. You realise you are not a child anymore and that closing your eyes will not make you invisible to other people. And when you open them again, things will be the same around you. That you only get to spend so much time in Fantasyland, and then 'Show's over', your ticket ain't valid no longer. Too much you-know-about-them, too much they-know-about-you, too much happiness, too much hurt, just too many memories. Decoding every subtle attempt at sarcasm, looking through every fake smile, catching every hint of a tear, and yet trying not to look into those omniscient eyes is no fun. You could be lucky and not run into him and everything would seem fine, but put yourself and your insane-mess-of-emotions within a 2 metre radius of him for a couple of hours, and you are no longer in the amethyst-bed-covers-and-cheery-lilac-curtains room: suffocated with teddy bears, karaoke-ing away to the latest Katy Perry, you are holding on to the phone listening to the dead staccato beats, trying not to let the tears stream down your face.

Piling up hopes, only to crumble into a heap-

I need to give up before I fall in too deep.

Note - Please don't take offences, anybody, it isn't about you, okay maybe it is, but it isn't just about you, its also the other you, and more of me and my indefatigable stream of abstruse thoughts.

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My Dad asked me what I count as the happiest moment of my life, or maybe one of the moments I was exceptionally over-the-top happy? I could think of none. Has my life been that shallow and uninspiring? Can you tell me what was yours? Or if lucky, one of them happiest mo's?

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I so need that Goa trip next week. Maybe I'll throw away my laptop and cell phone at home, disconnect from the world, and try and attain some 'moksha' from the proverbial 'moh-maya'.