Happy New Year and all that jazz.

This, the later part of December, is my favourite time of the year, maybe second to my birthday part of the year, but whatever. All the festivity for Christmas and new year, and the whole ‘new year, new beginning’ thing really appeals to me. It brings with it long commentaries on The Year That Was in almost all the major newspapers and periodicals, which for no particular reason, make me very happy. Also the holidays and nothing much to do -ness gets you introspecting and pondering over the usual; circumstances have changed and the context is different but the same old questions torment me once again. My existence is yet to be justified. There’s so much to be done, and the process hasn’t even begun. How good is good enough? How much is too much? Where does right end and wrong begin? Where do we draw the line?

January to April passed in a blur. The school annual function. Exams, exams and more exams. Board Examinations. JEE. The total screw-up. The regret. [The demons of which still continue to haunt me at night, though less frequently now. One day, I will get over it] The much-awaited long vacations. Which were really not much fun. Restlessness. Anxiety. Results. Moroseness. Numbness. IIT Delhi. Cramped rooms. Stinky loos. Homesickness. Helplessness. Hopelessness. Introduction to Quantum Chemistry. Introduction to weird sicko guys. And scheming (p)sycophantic girls. Missing a practical class, the following quiz, allegedly resulting in missing a grade. Missing the next grade by a whisker in multiple courses. Bad grades. All’s bad that ends bad? Being mean. Guilt trips. Stupid mistakes. Guilt trips. Being a prick through the Goa trip. Guilt trips. Boy, this has been one unfulfilling year. I wonder why I am doing this post.

It will be alright, won’t it? Someday?

Please don’t give up on me. I am trying my best. Okay, no more moaning. I understand I am the joker, and the joke is on me.

“Love is like a flower, even the most beautiful kind dies.” – Till Lindemann

Farewell. Photos. Best student - IX to XII. NCO 17. IMO 27. Shopping. Loads of it. A’s big confession. Long emotional speeches. Long emotional letters. Promises to remain in constant touch [kept]. Anticipation. Excitement. College. Momos. Butterscotch icecream. Institute roof. QC events. Rendezvous. Strawberry Shortcake. The mushroom and black olives wala pasta they have at Pizza Square [Absolute Fabulosity].

So the nice parts are fewer in number than the bad ones, and mostly consist of ‘alimentary’ accomplishments, but this is a post I had written a few days ago, and I hate it now and I hate the fact that I can do nothing to make it a little bit brighter or even remotely readable, am back in my self-loathing state and I’m sorry but right now I cannot ‘count my blessings’. The above passage was my last attempt at trying to make this cheerful. Sadly, there’s not much I can think of right now which kind of reinforces my belief in the fact that I am totally worthless and insignificant. Very very abruptly now, but since this was the point of the post, here’s wishing me[and everyone else] a super-awesomely happy, exciting, cheery AND lucky 2010 which will hopefully find me a better person.

Happy New Year! May it be your best yet.

PS – This also turns out to be my 50^th post. [Not counting the first post Uz so sweetly deleted, and then the one I did] Congratulate me. Or bite me. Either way, wouldn’t make much difference. Wow. Am I miserable or am I miserable?