Sunday, October 4, 2009

From Bad to Worse

Self-Obsessing.

# The movie 'Koi Mil Gaya' and the whole alien thing scared the hell out of me.

# Virtually everything scares the hell out of me.

# I hate running, but not because of the fear of sweat, or physical exertion, but because am scared I would fall.

# The "smell" of deos make me pukey. I can't stand (or stand next to) people who use them. Smelling all soapy and fresh is nice, but deos are total bleh-ness.

# I hate it when people write "ya" when they mean "yeah".

# Bad english totally turns me off. I almost had a crush on this guy once, but just in time, he went all "It is written on the behind of the book.."

# Sometimes I listen to loud music just to shut the voices in my head.

# I want to run away all the time, wherever I may be.

# I like, okay, not like maybe, but I prefer being alone and quiet in the dark. It both fascinates and scares the hell out of me, but i still do it, its therapy when i am in of those 'intermediate' phases, when there is something stuck between normalcy and full-on depression, like a knot in the chest, with me having no idea why. It pushes me to hardcore upset-ness, and then I can cry it out.

# I often wonder if 'cutting' is a form of penitence or is it a sin in itself?

# Why do we try to gain acceptance from the people who snub us most?

# I have, lately, failed to live up to my expectations of myself. And its not just academics am talking about. Its about me, the person, the good girl, or is she anymore? I hate the grown up me. I have turned so evil. :(

Sheesh. I wonder if I should publish it or just let it be.

5 comments:

Unknown said...

ok...i had no idea you were this scared....what happened to walking on delhi roads at night???so are you looking for aunty's acceptance????and i wonder what the cutting was about???

Love the way you've written this...something to do with "can you keep a secret"????

Civilised Bohemian said...

'The "smell" of deos make me pukey'
This doesnt make for a grammatically correct sentence does it??
no reason for u to vindicate the guy obsessed with a book's 'behind'...... ;)

Novocaine said...

good, you saved me a lot of trouble (by finding the mistake)

PS: Since when did you start posting once in 3 weeks :O

The Hedonistaah said...

Arnab - Those are just my cheap thrills.;) Aunty's acceptance regarding what?
Pee - Typo, duuuuuuuuuude!!
Novocaine - So you came here searching for mistakes? :O :( And yeah, posting once in three weeks, not commenting on your posts, I told you, shuvi has become a very bad bad girl. In need of a nice li'l spanking. With a cherry on top.

Abhilasha said...

DITTO..
Can't stand wrong english, bad english, weird english and gawaar english AT ALL. Eee.
And liking a guy, or even coming close to a guy who practices any of the above : SUPER Eee...
Lol. Not that we're Shakespeares out here, but anyway.. :P

And, relax, will you? College is MEANT to change you. And change always seems BAD. At first, at least. So, hug your pillow tight, and sleep a good night. :)

Post more often.
Maybe someday it'll inspire me to return. ;P